A word to bullies and to their victims I just finished reading “The Wounded Spirit,” author Frank Peretti. Very powerful message within to bullies and to those who are or have been bullied.  I could relate to Mr. Peretti’s words because, you see, I was both. Yes, although I am nearly 65 years old, the remarks made to me back as a teenager still come back to haunt me.  And quite frankly, the bullying I did to others as an adult, shames me, and fills me with regrets today.  When I should have been the one on the wall, watching over others who had been placed in my care, I should have been more knowledgeable, more observant, and more forceful.  When necessary, I should have stepped in, taken the part of the one being bullied, and put a stop to the bullying which I allowed to happen. Oh, I was just being one of the guys, a man looked up to by virtue of my military rank, and “boys will be boys” attitude.

As a teenager, I lived in poverty and one day, one of the neighborhood friends(?) said to me “Better do something (I don’t remember what I was to do) or I’ll come down and take back my pants.” Several used, slightly worn, pair had been passed earlier to my younger brother and I from the wealthy parents of this kid. It wasn’t my poverty which hurt me, it was those words said some 50 years ago, and remembered to this day. Or other statements referring to my dad as “Humpy” because of his crippled situation and the huge hump on his back he was forced to live with.

And then, I think of my oldest daughter, a very attractive teenager, who endured a severe hearing loss as a result of an auto accident when an infant. She had to endure slurs, insults, and who knows what else from classmates because she was different. Even today, in her 40’s, she refuses to wear even those nearly invisible hearing aids. Her self-esteem isn’t very high, and this has propelled her through a series of relationships with other young men who were just like her, with some kind of disability, and also has kept her from progressing further in her career field.  

So, what am I saying here?  Simply this: If you are one who is doing the bullying, or teasing, or making slurs at someone, just because they are smaller, non-athletic, fat or skinny, but somehow different from you, or it makes you feel better or more superior, then please STOP immediately.  You have no idea how you are affecting that person’s current and future life, or even your own.  You can never tell, they may be the only individual, or friend, you can count on in a future crisis.

And if you are the one being bullied, or constantly picked on, or teased about your size, or being beat up all the time, then go tell someone. Yes, be a snitch. Tell a teacher, a close friend, some authority figure, but go tell someone who will take action, and if it is uncomfortable to verbalize it, then write them a letter. And this is not just for teenagers, it applies to the workplace also. Is it easy to snitch? No, but it is extremely necessary to stop this injustice we do to ourselves and to each other.

You see, the old saying “sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me” was wrong. Names will hurt you, even through your adult life.  I’m not an author. Frank Peretti is, and I encourage everyone who is a bully or has been bullied, or has been affected by bullying, to get the book titled “The Wounded Spirit,” and see how it may change your life.  It was copyrighted back in 2000 so you may have to go to Amazon.com or get your local Christian bookstore to order it for you.  Have a great day!

Richard Hilliard
Milford